This has been a growing concept in my mind--this idea of "unapology." Let me explain. It stems from the growing realization that I live in a fairly constant state of "apology." I find myself daily apologizing to someone, whether it's my boss, a coworker or my spouse; I'm always apologizing to someone, for something. Why? Especially, as I realize, when most of the time, it isn't even my place to apologize...
For example, someone stubs their toe: "I'm sorry" I say. A coworker is late to relieve another coworker for lunch, but I'm the one delivering the message: "sorry" I state, as if I was the one making their lunch late. Or I miss a pile while sweeping the floor at work and someone else has to do it, my immediate response is: "sorry about that!" Always sorry, for something, to someone. Why? Sympathy yes, understanding I get, but it's more than that I think. Is it guilt? Is it the desire to please, to not be found wanting by another? I'm not entirely sure (hence this post!) But, frankly, I'm tired of it, sick of my own conditioned response. And I would like it to change. Which is why I'm trying to coin the phrase: "unapology" as an attempt to reverse my thinking and cause me to reflect before speaking, pause before explaiming yet again: "I'm sorry!" Because, for heaven's sake--it can't always be my fault.
Perhaps I own more blame than is necessary to gain favor, opinion, appeal, appreciation. Whatever the reason, I am realizing it's nearly 100% man-centered, man-pleasing, and does a very poor job of declaring to the world that my identity is rooted in Jesus--who already took ALL of the blame for me on the cross, who already asked all of the apologies on my behalf. I wonder if me constantly apologizing to the world is offensive to my Savior? Because in many ways it negates His sacrifice for me and all of my shortcomings. Ironically, the only person who would be worthy of any of my "apologies" would be my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, yet He doesn't even require it, because He alreayd paid it all...
I will own what is mine, yes and what I am personally responsible for because that is right and good, but I repent and am resolved to try and live out my "unapology" and proclaim to the world--"My chains are gone, I have been set free" and live like that's the truth that defines who I am, because it is.
